You must have heard that if you want a happy relationship, then you yourself need to be happy first. Well, it is true! To love someone else, you first need to learn to love yourself so that you don't feel like that the relationship is turning from something you like to a something you have to do or a responsibility. If relationships turn into responsibilities, then they become a liability to yoou and then, it starts to face problems. Today, I am gonna tell you some tips which will help you to redefine you and your relationships.
1. Meet Your Own Needs.
The truth is most of us aren’t putting our relationship with our SELF first and foremost. Before we can be truly satisfied with a partner, we have to be satisfied independently by meeting our own needs. Otherwise we project our own feeling of lack onto the relationship.
2. Become An Expert On Yourself.
If you aren’t an expert on yourself, don’t expect other people to be an expert on you. If you can’t articulate what you want and don’t want in a relationship, other people will not be able to know what you are expecting. We give love in the way that we like to receive it and we assume that other people want what we want—or even worse should know what we want.
3. Know Your Expectations And Show Up For Yourself.
Here is a big question of self exploration—what do you expect from others in your relationships? An unhappy relationship usually has a big disconnect between expectations and reality. One or more of the parties have expectations that aren’t being met.
There are two reasons why this is very important. First, it is really important to understand how much we actually expect from other people and whether or not it is realistic for them to deliver on those expectations. Secondly, if you understand your expectations and where they come from, you can better cultivate and care for yourself which eliminates the need for someone else to do it for you.
4. Lead By Example Without Expecting A Payout.
Are you showing up for others in the same way you are expecting them to show up for you? If you want a more loving, compassionate, and understanding relationship—become more loving, compassionate, and understanding.
5. Focus On The Facts And Seek To Understand.
Often in relationships we get upset over how the other person shows up and we put subjective meaning behind words and actions that they don’t actually say. We take a fact like “they didn’t take out the trash” and we spin stories in our minds like “They didn’t take out the trash. Since I asked them to do it and they didn’t, they don’t care about my feelings or appreciate the work I do around the house”. The reality is, there could be 100 reasons why “they” didn’t take out the trash and it honestly probably has nothing to do with how “they” actually feel about you.
Everyone is uniquely human and operating under different mindsets. By bringing a little bit more self-awareness, compassion, understanding, and most importantly ownership into our daily relationships we have the opportunity to redefine the way we experience others in our lives.