Even after 14 years of his death I do miss holding hands of my father, climbing on his back, loafing around with him on Sundays, going on small trips and Biryani. Yes, I was 8 years old when I lost my father. He was a very beautiful human with all those glittering eyes, heavy moustach, brown hair and a perfect tummy. Though he was a drug addict he left all of it except his cigerrets and booz as soon as I turned 3 years old. All the credit goes to my mother for freeing him from the fatal drug addiction. His unnatural and sudden death on the 9th of November 2002 jolted everybody in the family and no one is able to forget that day even today. Though, I have got a replacement as my mother married another man I don’t feel that bond. I have turned 22 and my life after his passing away has not been simple at all but still there is an unknown force which helps me through every downfall of my life. It may feel paranormal or absolutely emotional but I feel him around me. No, I am not saying that I often hear his voice from nowehere or see his shadow or something but there is something in me which asures me that no matter what, he is around and looks after me.
I always knew he loved me a lot and helped me in everything I did even when I fought with boys at a young age. My life sometime back forced me to slit my wrist and I couldn’t resist picking up a blade as I already had suicidal tendencies. It was around 3 at night and I was heading towards the process of making blood drip from my slit wrist, the printer in my room had a sudden sound. It was not working, nor did someone touch it. The sudden sound from the computer-attached printer distracted my mind for a second erasing that suicidal though at a sudden pace. I was shocked but I did not get scared, all that I could say was “Sorry Papa I feel so Helpless” as crying in the shower by covering my face was not yeilding any results and I had already given up on my life. That was the moment which asured me that he is around. He might not be present physically or spiritually but he is definitely alive, alive in my heart saving me from all the traumas going on in my life, all the bad decissions and all the harsh steps I take towards ending my sadness. He is my strength even after 14 years of his physical absence, he still resides around me, inside me and he will always will.