I "Hated" my mom until I exactly knew the reason of her being cruel.

Mothers are a human version of God and no body on the earth can defy that. But, how many of us really feel this from inside? Getting “Maa” tattooed on your wrist and treating her like she doesn’t have any right on you doesn’t make sense, does it? A mother is someone who doesn’t really expect anything materialistic from you, she only wants love, care, affection, understanding and respect and all it takes to give her that is a HEART!

Same happened with me. After all that my mother went through she became something she doesn’t seem to be. The brown eyes and broad smile got changed into drunk red eyes and cursing mouth and that all happened because of her life’s tendency of taking back everything she loved. I was always very angry at her because first, I was very young (about 11 or 12 years old)  and second because she used to hit me a lot. I never knew the reason behind it and soon started hating her. Yes, I started hating my own “Mother”. I lost respect for her and the only feeling I had towards her was “Fear”. Fear that she would hit me after boozing without any reason and I started drifting apart from her, emotionally.

Time went by and she did stop raising hand on me as thing in her life started getting better, but I couldn’t let go off the grudges I had for her since a long time. Now that I have turned 22 years old I understand her and hate has gone far away from what I feel for her. My mother is the strongest woman I have ever known. After losing her husband, getting addicted to drinking, crying while sleeping on the daily basis this 5 feet 3 inches little woman stood against all the odds to become an independent woman. The reason of her raising hand on me was just because she was frustrated as life didn’t give her even a slight break of absorbing the losses one after another. She gave birth to me, she owned me and definitely had a right on me. I was the only person in her life with whom she could share her feelings. The only feeling she had at that time was anger, agony and frustration and she shared that with me; though by beating the hell out of me, but she did and that’s what comforts me now. At least she could release her caged emotions on me without the fear of losing me (she almost did lose me emotionally  but not anymore). I feel glad that I was a part of her struggle in becoming stronger and stable no matter by what means.

Her broken heart and pain was the only reason because of which she couldn’t keep up with her temper and released it on me.  It’s fine you know! Looking at her smiling with that wrinkled nose and white teeth is the best negotiation for whatever happened in the past.  Her smile is the best sight for me now and nothing can change that. 

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